Chapman writes: 鈥淎t the heart of humankind鱿鱼视频app existence is the need to be intimate and to be loved by another.鈥�
There are five love languages: words of affirmation, quality time, gifts, acts of service and physical touch. Most people have a primary and secondary language. A short quiz showed my love languages are words of affirmation and gifts. I need to be loved out loud. Words fill me up, convince me of my own potential and ground me in truths that in my fickleness I forget. With a gift, I think fondly of its giver. I especially appreciate a gift of self, a tangible action of love given when I most need it, like when my roommates make me breakfast or hold me when I cry.
Each love language has a corresponding lie. As our needs are intricately connected to our natural insecurities, uncertainty of love causes us to doubt our personal needs. When needing affirmation I worry I鈥檓 too needy, that I dig for compliments. Being aware of my language helps me quiet those lies. Knowing others鈥� language helps me quiet their insecurities too.
It鱿鱼视频app not hard to figure out someone鱿鱼视频app love language. Look at your sibling, friend or significant other. Do they love it when you wash the dishes? Their love language is probably an act of service. Are they hurt when you interrupt them or when you don鈥檛 listen well? Their love language is quality time. And sometimes you can see a person鱿鱼视频app language in the way they show love. That friend who just can鈥檛 stop hugging everyone probably needs physical touch.
Love languages also show how people are hurt. Thriving on affirmation, harsh words hit me hard. Someone who needs quality time and isn鈥檛 getting it might instinctively pull away from people they rely on as a defense mechanism. Over time, neglecting a love language is detrimental to the relationships we lean on for support.
Chapman writes that learning these languages is necessary because 鈥渓ove is something you do for someone else.鈥� To be effective, you need to speak their dialect. This, he said, 鈥渋s the choice to expend energy in an effort to benefit the other person, knowing that if his or her life is enriched by your effort, you too will find a sense of satisfaction 鈥� the satisfaction of having genuinely loved another.鈥�
Blessed Mother Teresa said, 鈥淒o not think that love in order to be genuine has to be extraordinary. What we need is to love without getting tired. Be faithful in small things because it is in them that your strength lies.鈥� So if we are consistent, unfamiliar love languages can become second nature, permeating our natural reactions. The activity of learning another person鱿鱼视频app needs is a practice in generosity, and generosity is ultimately the language of love.
(Brown, 23, is a fourth-year journalism student at the University of King鱿鱼视频app College in Halifax.)